A woman has gained widespread support online after revealing she wants to keep a tattoo memorializing her late ex-boyfriend—despite her new partner’s discomfort.
The Reddit user, u/Fun-Possibility-3177, shared in a post how she got the name “Daniel” and the date he died, “29.10.23,” tattooed on her wrist. But, after noticing the ink for the first time in detail, her new boyfriend expressed strong disapproval. The post quickly resonated with readers, racking up over 46,000 upvotes in the subreddit r/AmIOverreacting?
“Recently he actually saw the tattoo and took notice to it in proper detail. He got visibly upset. He said it made him feel ‘disrespected’ and like I’m not over my ex. He basically implied I should remove or cover it up. I tried to explain that grief and love aren’t black and white, and that honoring the past doesn’t mean I can’t be present in a new relationship,” the poster wrote.
Despite her explanation, the boyfriend remained firm, saying the tattoo made him feel “weird” and like he was “second best.”
“Am I overreacting for being hurt by his reaction? Or is it fair that he feels threatened by a piece of my past?” she asked.
Expert Insight
Dr. Elreacy Dock, a clinical psychologist specializing in grief, told Newsweek that memorializing a loved one through tattoos is a healthy and normal expression of love after loss.
Dock said: “Grief doesn’t have a linear progression, and the love that we hold for those we have lost is carried with us alongside the grief we experience throughout our lives after losing them.
“At the same time, this grief and love don’t limit our capacity to love someone else in the future; it reflects resilience to hold space for both, including the complexities of navigating the intricate emotions that emerge in these situations,” she added.
Dock also said that moving forward with grief is not the same as “moving on.” For those who haven’t experienced such a loss, it can be difficult to understand how grief is ever-present. Conversations around what moving forward looks like, and how it differs from letting go, can help bridge that gap in understanding between partners.
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Dr. Terri Daniel, an end-of-life educator, inter-spiritual hospice chaplain, and grief counselor, told Newsweek that age and emotional maturity may play a role in the boyfriend’s reaction.
Daniel said that, at just 23, both individuals may still be developing the life experience and security that allow for empathy in emotionally complex situations.
“The woman is not overreacting at all. She has demonstrated excellent self-care and positive coping skills by getting the tattoo and honoring Daniel’s memory. In no universe should she ever consider removing it at the request of a jealous boyfriend. Instead, she should remove the boyfriend,” Daniel added.
She added that, in a healthy relationship, both people would recognize Daniel’s role in shaping the woman’s life and character. Rather than seeing her grief as a threat, they would honor her story—including Daniel’s memory—as part of the life they are building together.
Reddit Reacts
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the original poster, but also empathized with the new partner.
“It’s fine that it bothers him, but he shouldn’t demand that you remove it. You had it before you started dating,” wrote one commenter.
Another shared a personal story: “My husband was deeply in love with a woman he dated years before we met that passed from an overdose. I used to be extremely self-conscious about their relationship and how much grief he still had. As we got older I kinda moved forward and set my insecurities aside and accepted that this person was a huge part of my husband’s life and helped him be the man I love and adore today.”
“Nothing wrong with getting a tattoo in memory of your late boyfriend. There is also nothing wrong with how he feels about the tattoo, especially if you have been dating for a bit and he is just finding out about it,” a third user posted.
Newsweek reached out to u/Fun-Possibility-3177 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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