A self-proclaimed “short king” from Atlanta is at the center of an online discussion on modern dating.
Ian, 35, shared a story about matching with a woman on a dating app who was taller than him in a TikTok video. In an attempt to be transparent, he messaged her to confirm she was aware of his height, which he believed might be a deal-breaker. What happened next has divided opinion in the comments.
Ian told Newsweek about his experience of the situation, and his thoughts on honesty within the tricky terrain of online dating.
@ian3snacks/TikTok
In the TikTok video, Ian explained the situation when he matched with the woman: “I noticed that she’s taller than me … I’m a short guy, I’m only 5’6.” She was straight, and that tends to be a deal-breaker for a lot of straight women.”
To avoid any awkwardness, he preemptively messaged her. “I say, ‘Hey, you know, you’re stunning. Did you see that I am only 5’6″?'”
Her response was surprising. She said she hadn’t noticed and then asked, “Do you care if I’m taller than you or if even I wear heels on a date?” Ian, who said he’s “totally comfortable with it,” offered her a polite out. “I said … if you want to politely, like, see yourself out now—no harm, no foul. I get it.”
The woman immediately unmatched him.
His Perspective on Honesty
Ian, a musician and filmmaker who is autistic, said he prefers to be “as up front as possible” when it comes to dating apps.
“I am not one to woo you with smooth pickup lines or play games. I don’t have the jawline for that kind of approach,” Ian said, adding, “Transparency, wit and kindness tend to be where I shine a little easier, so I try to play to my strengths.”
He said that the woman’s question about heels was a way to gently end the conversation without having to be the “bad guy.”
Still, he added, “it’s totally possible that, during that brief interaction, she saw something else in my profile that she didn’t feel compatible with and unmatched.”
Ian said he tries to get certain common “dealbreakers” spoken about and out of the way sooner rather than later.
“Men’s height gets talked about enough online that I try to get it out of the way immediately if I suspect it might be an issue that got overlooked,” Ian said. “In the same way, I’ve had curvier women ask me if I was OK with how they look—which I always am.”
Ian was adamant about one thing, however: “I just want to make sure that it’s clear that this girl is not a bad person. I do not want her (seen) as a shallow-minded villain.”
The Internet Weighs In
The video’s comment section quickly became a field of divided opinions, reflecting the complexities of dating today. Many viewers praised Ian’s approach, while others believed his method was the exact reason she unmatched.
“Listen!” one commenter wrote. “You gave her the ick with the ‘If you want to see yourself out now’—I’m telling you! That’s what it was. It showed you were saying you weren’t worthy.”
Another user, who is 6 feet, 4 inches, shared a different perspective, arguing that bringing up height at all can be a turnoff. “My pet peeve is when guys mention my height/the fact I’m taller than them as if shouldn’t even matter,” they wrote. “So that might be why she unmatched you.”
A third commenter delved into the societal pressures that often influence women’s preferences.
“The insane thing is misogyny drives this,” they said. “Women are taught at a young age that they should be small and dainty—smaller than the big strapping men. So when you’re a tall woman it sticks with you and you always feel ‘big’ unless you’re with a guy who’s bigger.”
By sharing his experience, Ian has certainly opened up a wider conversation about insecurity, dating etiquette, and the complexities of human connection. And, anyway, he said, dating is a minefield.
“I think most people would agree that dating often feels like a self-inflicted humiliation ritual,” Ian said. “Sometimes, despite my best intentions, things come out awkwardly or my vibe just isn’t what they’re looking for—and that’s OK.”
