A man is facing online backlash after demanding his date cover half of the cost of a meal—despite not having paid for it himself.
A viral Reddit post, shared by u/SubjectDrifter, has sparked intense discussion about modern dating etiquette and what it really means to “pay your way.”
The original poster (OP) recounted the awkward experience in a post on r/AmITheA*****. She explained that she had gone to meet a man for a first date at a restaurant he had chosen. He arrived with a medium-sized box, which he claimed was related to his work, and left her alone at the table for 15 minutes while he handled a separate business engagement.
Though the OP found the delay awkward, she decided to be patient and stay. The man, a salesman, wasn’t ready to order for the first 30 minutes, so she sipped water and made conversation. During their chat, he disclosed that he regularly barters goods for meals at restaurants.
“If, for example, the goods he is selling are worth $100 retail, the restaurant will give him a meal worth the same,” she wrote. “He said that the cost of the goods are much lower than the actual retail price, just as the cost to the restaurant for the meal is lower than the menu price.”
After they ate, she concluded that they weren’t a romantic match for reasons unrelated to this disclosure. The following day, she declined a second date—prompting an unexpected reaction.
“He then told me I owed him money for my half of the meal,” she wrote. “He said it was customary if a woman decides it’s a one-time thing to have paid for her own meal.”
She added: “I would (sort of) agree, but in this case, he didn’t even pay for the meal at all… He is talking to me as if I had an agenda to have gotten a free meal out of him before I had even met him.”
Expert Insight: Who Should Pay on a First Date?
According to Thomas Westenholz, a couples therapist and host of the Couples in Focus podcast, modern dating etiquette should focus on mutual respect.
“The real rule of paying on a first date? Whoever initiates, offers. But whoever accepts, acknowledges,” he told Newsweek. That might mean saying, “Thanks, I’ve got the next one,” or offering to split. Westenholz emphasized that in modern dating, currency isn’t just cash: “It’s also care, effort, and energy. Just make sure both people know the terms.”
Artem Zakharov/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Richie Frieman, author and dating commentator, agreed that expectations around payment should be shaped by who asked whom.
If you find yourself being the asker more than the asked, and you’re tired of paying all the time, either be upfront when asking someone out or base asking people out in regards to your financial situation,” he told Newsweek.
Regarding the date in question, Frieman didn’t hold back: “Nothing says ‘future provider’ quite like your date negotiating with the restaurant for a free order of guac and chips.”
Still, Frieman said there’s a smoother way to handle barter. “Had the guy planned to barter with the owner, he should have done it before the date began, even before the night, so the bill wasn’t an issue (or awkward) during the meal. If he had just acted normal and then casually told his date across the table, ‘Don’t worry, I already took care of it,’ that would have been incredibly romantic,” he said.
Above all, Frieman stressed that footing the bill does not entitle anyone to a second date or “romance.” Paying doesn’t guarantee a second date. You surely don’t get a refund. And it certainly doesn’t entitle you to any “romance” afterward,” he said.
Reddit Reacts
Reddit users were quick to weigh in, largely siding with OP.
“NTA. Weird situation. He was rude from the get-go by making you wait,” wrote one commenter. “He could have set the date time for later so you wouldn’t have to sit there hungry.”
Another wrote, “Dude really played it badly. Should have shown up early and done all his business beforehand… Then at the end, play the hero and tell her the meal’s covered. Don’t mention the side deal with the manager.”
A third chimed in, “One thing I have noticed in my years is that people who consider themselves ‘hustlers’ take some weird pride in it and truly think that others are impressed by what they do. I’ve always found them annoying and unproductive.”
The viral tale has sparked debate not only about who should pay, but how respect, timing, and social awareness play a vital role in making a good first impression. For many, it’s not just about the money—it’s about the message.
Newsweek reached out to u/SubjectDrifter for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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