A woman has turned to the internet to question whether she was being manipulated after months of dating a man she met in person at a gym.
The 25-year-old South African woman, as Reddit user Classic-Act-3020, recounted what began as a seemingly normal relationship—frequent gym visits, weekly dates and meeting someone close to him—only to be followed by growing suspicions.
Early in their relationship, the 26-year-old man revealed that his father was suffering from kidney failure and that the man was struggling with rent.
Online Revelations
The woman offered a small loan of R800 ($44) to help with groceries, which he repaid the same day from a bank account not in his name. When she asked about the name mismatch, he said his personal account had been closed after being falsely accused of fraud.
Despite this explanation, she later found online posts accusing him of being a scammer. When she confronted him, he broke down, claiming his identity had been misused by a friend and that he was now trying to rebuild his life.
Liubomyr Vorona/iStock/Getty Images Plus
His apparent financial struggles escalated, according to her post.
The man claimed a friend stole his remaining money and vanished, leaving him unable to pay rent or advertise his freelance work. He asked for R10,000 ($554) to purchase a server he said was essential for his digital marketing and software development business.
“Again, lots of emotion, but this time I said no,” the OP told Redditors.
“Is this a long-game manipulation, or just someone going through a messy chapter in life? How do you draw the line between empathy and being taken advantage of?”
Alarmed Reddit users responding to her post in their hundreds this week were skeptical of the man’s intentions.
As one supporter warned, “He’s gonna try and milk you for as long as you allow him. Think about it, the R800, why would he accept it and then be able to pay you back the very same day? Why did he need it in the first place? It was to gain your trust.”
Several supporters called out the classic scam tactics that the “red flag” man was apparently using, including emotional manipulation and fabricated family emergencies.
‘This guy’s lying’
A Redditor, identifying as a freelance social media marketer married to a software developer, said flatly: “This guy’s lying.”
The OP replied: “Sad, his work was always questionable. I wish I hadn’t emotionally invested so much.”
Another individual urged the OP to, “block and ignore. Don’t confront him. Just block and move on.”
According to Newsweekdating coach Chloe Gray warns about similar red flags: emotional vulnerability paired with inconsistency and elaborate personal misfortunes.
“If they have a huge list of what they expect of you, the person behind the profile is usually either controlling, or incredibly bitter about online dating,” Gray said.
The Australian Esafety Commission also exposes catfishing tactics, where individuals create false identities to defraud or manipulate victims.
Even when a relationship starts in person, it can quickly adopt classic online catfishing patterns, such as unverifiable personal history, rapid emotional escalation and financial requests, an eSafety spokesperson told Newsweek.
‘Warning signs’
“Warning signs include vague or inconsistent stories, urgent or secretive requests for money, a limited or suspicious social media presence and pressure to move communications off trusted platforms,” the spokesperson continued.
“If you suspect you are being manipulated, pause all contact, stop sending money or personal information, and independently verify their identity. Conducting reverse-image searches and social media checks can be invaluable.
“Social media platforms also have tools that allow you to report fake accounts. eSafety.gov.au has information and advice about Catfishing on our website to help people understand what it is, how to spot it and what to do if you fall victim to it.”
‘Troubled and narcissistic”
In the thread, the woman updated concerned Redditors to say she has just blocked the, “deeply troubled and narcissistic” man.
“I’ll probably bump into him, but luckily I can change my gym and avoid him rather. I feel really embarrassed.”
Newsweek has contacted Classic-Act-3020 for comment via Reddit.
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, click here.
